present significance

This year, my husband kept asking me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him I didn’t want anything. It’s been a roller coaster year for me and I just couldn’t think of some present-like thing he could buy for me. Most of what I want are things that will (or might) come later: I want a quiet place to write. I want two cats (I just recently got past wanting the other one back. It took a while but I got there.). I want a writing career (that was also something I just admitted to myself this year). But those are not things that come in a nice pretty box. So I told him I didn’t want a present. And I honestly meant it.

He didn’t listen.

He walked into our apartment one day with two Amazon boxes. One contained a gorgeous fountain pen. (I always said if I ever had a novel published, I wanted a nice pen for book signings. I cannot express how much I would love to do book signings. Apparently my husband remembered that and believes that’s an actual possibility for me one day.)

Encased in a beautiful box covered in fabric that is nicer than most of my clothes, this pen made a statement. But it wasn’t the statement you would expect from a nice pen. It didn’t say “I’m powerful” like most fancy pens say. Nope, this one seemed to be saying “You’re a writer.” This gift was more than just an expensive pen, it was like a hug/nudge from my husband that said “Be a writer.” (I struggle with that sometimes — letting myself be a writer. It feels so indulgent to write when there’s laundry to do and school loans to pay off.)

In addition to the pen, I got a delightful glass jar of ink, which is just perfect for my vintage-loving, writer-nerd soul, and a lime green journal that is specially designed to handle ink from fountain pens. And it’s just begging for some thoughts.

Every time I look at this pen and hold its smoothness in my hand, I start to think, Maybe, just maybe, I could do this thing. Maybe I could be a real writer.

A few weeks ago, I finished grad school. I sent in my last research paper and earned my masters degree in Organizational Management. It’s exciting. And daunting. It’s like a giant sign hanging over my head with neon lights, flashing WHAT NOW?

What now, indeed. I’m still working on that. Sure I have a tentative plan. I always do. I’m not the kind of person who sits around and waits to see what will happen. But I also like to adapt as life unfolds. So my plans for the future are still developing.

One thing I know for certain, though. I will be attempting a new novel over the next couple months. A little over a month ago, a new idea began haunting me. It’s not something I ever thought I would write. It’s a story that chose me, and I’m honored. It’ll be a new challenge for me. I’m certain my beautiful pen can handle it. And I’m beginning to believe maybe I can too.

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One Comment

  1. natalie
    Dec 30, 2011 @ 00:15:17

    You can do anything with God! He’s going to lead you all the way! And remember like every author you will get discouraged with your work and want to give up. When you see something you don’t like just strive to make it better! I know you can do it:)

    Reply

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