the stalker

I have a stalker.

It was cute at first. Everyone else assured me it was innocent fun. They all loved him.

“He’s so great!” they all said. “What kind of person wouldn’t love him?”

But the whole situation spiraled downward quickly. It went from casual acquaintanceship to serious stalking in under a month.

Now, I wake up and find him sitting outside my house. He follows me to work and won’t leave me alone no matter how many times I tell him to get lost. He’s always there, waiting right outside.

But I’m gonna try again, because I’m not the kind of girl who just takes this stuff. Here it goes:

Dear Snow,

Go away. I don’t like you. To be honest, I’ve always found you to be a nuisance. We’ve never been friends. Sure, you’re less annoying than Summer Heat. But my car looks like a dirty icicle. And I’m tired of being pelted with your shrapnel on the highway. And the way you try to trip me up when I’m trying to get into the office is so immature.

You were fun at first, Snow. But your time is over. It’s important to recognize when you’ve become an unwanted guest. That time is now. (Actually, it was about a month ago if I’m being completely honest.)

It’s time, Snow. It’s time to make way for your sister, Spring Rain. She awakens the life you put to sleep. And we really need that.

So goodbye. There’s the door. Go haunt the southern hemisphere for a while. I’m sure you’ll be back this way in a year. Maybe by then we’ll have forgotten what a nuisance you were. Maybe when we’re dealing with your youngest, and most obnoxious sibling, Summer Heat, we’ll be ready to forgive you.

But until then, you’re better off elsewhere. For your own safety.

Your Number One Non-Fan,


Your turn. You got some words for Mr. Snow?

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