Every now and then, when I’m watching a movie, I see something that catches me off-guard and makes me want to slide between the cushions of the couch. I see myself. I see a character doing or saying exactly what I would do or say. The specifics of the situation may differ, but the idea is the same.
Take, for instance, Julie & Julia, a charming and funny movie about two women learning about life and food in two very different times. Julia Child (played to perfection by Meryl Streep) is a wife in Paris, trying to break into the man’s world that is Cordon Bleu cooking school. After a particularly difficult session of dicing onions, she determines never to be embarrassed again. (more…)
Hi, you. Yes. You. You’re fantastic, you know that? You’re pushing toward your goals, balancing work with life and friends. It’s exhausting, I know.
It’s easy to lose sight of things, to feel like you’re drowning in tasks and a never-ending to-do list and a pile of laundry that grows exponentially by the minute. But you’re more than those details that beg your attention. You’ve got ideas about things, dreams for the future. There’s no one on this earth quite like you. Your life — it means something to this world. You may not know exactly what it means yet, but it has its own special significance.
(Plus, you read my blog which makes you a thousand times cooler than those oblivious people out there. ;))
So here’s to you—to your dreams, to your life. Here’s to your unique place in this world that desperately needs you. Get out there and do incredible things. And know that I’m cheering you on.
Growing up in a military town, honor had a very specific meaning to me. It meant service to country. It meant being a good citizen. It meant respect for others. In that town, military men and women were respected as heroes.
I was sorry to find that concept of honor wasn’t as widespread outside military towns. Oh, there are plenty of people who feel as I do. But there are also plenty of people who think soldiers are war-obsessed idiots or were tricked into serving. Those views demean the people who protect us.
Yes, sometimes I wish war didn’t exist. I wish everyone in every country was given freedom. But that’s not the case. And freedom—it’s worth fighting for. (more…)
Ahh, personality. You probably know by now that I’m nuts for anything relating to personality. And you can’t talk about personality without acknowledging the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. In my management program, our divisive, hot topics weren’t politics and religion, but how you felt about the MBTI and Lean Six-Sigma. And since I didn’t care much for Lean Six-Sigma, we’re gonna chat about the MBTI.
So what is it? You know those four letters people say they are? Like ESTP, INTJ. That’s the result of an MBTI assessment. But a lot of people don’t exactly understand what it is. This assessment measures four psychological functions. Everyone uses all of them to some degree, but we prefer one over the other. Think of it as your dominant hand. You use the other one. But you rely on your dominant hand more.
Let’s take a look at the four preferences:
1. Energy. Do you get your energy from internal or external sources? If you get energy from being alone, thinking, pondering, then you’re an Introvert (I). If you get your energy from being around people, talking, hanging out, you’re an Extravert (E). This one is the easiest to see in other people and in yourself.
2. Absorbing information. So you find yourself in a new situation. How do you take it all in? Do you take it in detail by detail and see problems as requiring specific solutions? If so, you’re classified as Sensing (S). If you take it in more creatively and see problems as a chance to innovate (aka change the system), you’re Intuitive (N).
3. Making decisions. Pretend you need to make a decision. You’ve got two options in front of you, two plausible possibilities accompanied by arguments for each. If you seek logical clarity and look for the flaws in an argument, you’re a Thinker (T). If you seek emotional clarity and look for points of agreement in an argument, you’re a Feeler (F).
This doesn’t mean feelers don’t Feelers are emotional basket-cases or that Thinkers are emotionless drones. This refers specifically to what you rely on in making a decision. Do you develop a pro-con list and rely completely on the data (T) or do you emotionally connect with a choice and stick with that (F)?
Allow me to share a personal example. (It is my blog after all.) Choosing a college is one of the first major decisions a person encounters. It can be overwhelming. When I was going through the process, I narrowed my options to three choices. I visited them. I went through scholarship competitions. One of the colleges offered me a full-tuition scholarship. I ended up choosing that one, but not specifically because of that. Yes, I wanted to graduate from undergrad without loans, but that was secondary to the fact that it felt right when I walked through campus. My thinking function guided me toward a decision, but it was my feeling function that made the final decision.
4. Lifestyle. No, I’m not talking about how much coffee you drink. 😉 This refers more to how you handle your life. Are you the person who sets up routines and schedules and trusts the plan above all else? Then you’re judging (J). If you’re the person who likes to be flexible and reserves the right to change your plans, you’re perceiving (P).
Sounds pretty good, right? What could be so controversial about that?
Well, the problem comes when you take this information and use it to make assumptions about other people. For a long time, I didn’t share my results with people because I didn’t want them to make assumptions about me. Too many people and organizations use these results as labels to define people.
You may know that someone is an ESFJ, but it doesn’t mean you know them. It’s just one piece of the puzzle. It can only tell you about their preferences. It can’t tell you about their background or experiences. It can’t tell you that although I’m naturally Perceiving, my mother is off-the-charts Judging and taught me to be Judging when it comes to work and school. When I’m comfortable, I’m flexible. When I’m stressed or the stakes are high, I have plans and lists.
And although I may be Feeling, I can also be intensely logical when I want to be. And because I value people so much, I can become whatever I need to be if it would help someone else. The MBTI can’t tell you that about me.
It’s also not a this-or-that choice. Yes, you can be classified into one or the other, but there are degrees. To illustrate, here are my results from an MBTI assessment:
Clearly, my Intuitive function is much stronger than any of the others. And because I’m only moderately Perceiving and Introverted, it’s not difficult for me to shift into Judging or to become more Extraverted as needed. Not as difficult as it would be if I had to turn off my Intuition.
Some people fall completely in the slight category. That doesn’t mean they only have a slight personality. It just means they’re the ambidextrous people of the personality world. It’s easy for them to shift from one side to the other.
If you read the description of an INFP, you’d know a bit about how I function. But you wouldn’t really know me. It doesn’t capture all the things that make me unique, and it certainly doesn’t decide what I’m capable of. Only God decides that.
The bottom line is, you and I are more than our personality results, as fun and interesting as they may be. We’re way too complex for any test to fully capture. And that, my friends, is not a bad thing.
Do you ever stop to think about where you were a year ago? I do. Quite a lot. Because my life seems to change rather quickly.
A year ago, I was just starting a summer internship. I would roll out of bed at 5:42 am, put on a suit and heels, and drive an hour in DC traffic. I was halfway through my masters program. I was working on a novel, although I didn’t tell many people about it. I didn’t know if I could write any fiction worth reading. (more…)
