Happy March! Today I’m sharing a powerful quote, along with one of my absolute favorite stories about Agatha Christie. I think it says so much about who she was.
“I do not enjoy big parties, but I can go to them, and whatever I feel is not really shyness. I suppose, actually, the feeling is — I don’t know whether every author feels it, but I think quite a lot do — that I am pretending to be something I am not, because, even nowadays, I do not quite feel as though I am an author. I still have that overlag of feeling that I am pretending to be an author.”
The Context: This quote follows what is my absolute favorite story of Agatha. In this section, she’s remembering the tenth anniversary of The Mousetrap, her most successful play. There was going to be a grand party at the Savoy, with lots of media and important guests. Quite naturally, Agatha was asked to attend the event and say a few words. She hated speeches and suffered from terrible stage fright her whole life, so this was already guaranteed to be a stressful occasion for her.
The play’s producer asked Agatha to arrive at the Savoy thirty minutes before the event. When she tried to enter the reserved space, she was told that people were not being admitted just yet. Instead of saying, “Excuse me, I’m the guest of honor and I was told to be here early,” Agatha simply turned around and walked away, where she wandered the corridors “trying to get up my courage to go back and say — in effect, like Margo Asquith — ‘I’m ME!’”
Fortunately, she was found by the producer’s general manager who laughed heartily and then escorted her into the event. I’m guessing the person who turned her away at the door felt incredibly foolish.
Why I Chose It: I absolutely love what this experience tells us about Agatha Christie. After the kind of success she’d had at that point, she would’ve been well within her rights to make sure everyone knew who she was and was aware of her success. But instead, she was remarkably humble throughout her life and never seemed to think of herself as anyone important, in spite of all the evidence proving she was very much a big deal.
Throughout her autobiography, it’s clear Agatha would rather observe or experience life than be the focus of attention from large crowds. She was the complete opposite of a fame-seeker. She didn’t want to be fawned over, and she never seemed to feel she deserved admiration. This specific quote really highlights how no one is immune from Imposter Syndrome. Even a literary legend felt she was pretending to be an author, playing the role for the crowds. It’s comforting to know that every creator who struggles with Imposter Syndrome is in most excellent company.
Happy February! I started this series of Agatha Christie quotes with the intention of sharing one on the first Wednesday of each month. However, the world keeps imploding on the first Wednesday of each month—election results, insurrections. And out of respect, I have been skipping those days. But thankfully, the world seems stable today (fingers crossed!), so I’m back to it!
“The trouble is that it is awfully hard for an author to put things in words when you have to do it in the course of conversation. You can do it with a pencil in your hand, or sitting in front of your typewriter — then the thing comes out already formed as it should come out — but you can’t describe things that you are only going to write; or at least I can’t. I learnt in the end never to say anything about a book before it was written. Criticism after you have written it is helpful. You can argue the point, or you can give in, but at least you know how it has struck one reader. Your own description of what you are going to write, however, sounds so futile, that to be told kindly that it won’t do meets with your instant agreement.”
The Context: Agatha opens this section by talking about how she would sometimes run book ideas by her first husband. She admits that even to her own ears, one of her attempts at explaining her story idea sounded “extraordinarily banal, futile, and a great many other adjectives which I will not particularize.” But in later years, that very same idea came to life again, and this time, in the absence of criticism or judgement, it blossomed and became one of her best books. That leads into this quote.
Why I Chose It: I think most creative people understand how difficult and fraught it is to describe your idea to someone else. They may offer exactly the encouragement and perspective you need. Or their feedback, well-intentioned though it may be, could squash the budding idea, crushing the delicate sprout back into the soil. It’s easy to hear someone offer what is probably constructive criticism and jump right to thinking it’s a terrible idea, especially if you weren’t sure it was particularly good to start with! Knowing that even a literary legend struggled with having confidence in her ideas is remarkably encouraging.
Creative ideas are so small and often amorphous; they grow and strengthen and develop more concrete form as we work on them. So describing them at the start can be difficult. Not to mention, capturing an idea in brief and direct terms is tricky (ask any writer who’s had to face down a synopsis!). We have to be gentle with our ideas. We have to protect and nurture them so they can grow. It’s only by allowing them space to mature and deepen that we discover what those budding ideas can become.
It’s the first Wednesday of December, so it’s time for an Agatha Day! (You’ll notice I skipped November. We all needed a little break in November, given *gestures to the state of the country last month*.) This month’s quote highlights a feeling I think every creative person knows well.
“It is an odd feeling to have a book growing inside you, for perhaps six or seven years knowing that one day you will write it, knowing that it is building up all the time to what it already is. Yes, it is there already — it just has to come more clearly out of the mist. All the people are there, ready, waiting in the wings, ready to come on to the stage when their cues are called — and then, suddenly, one gets a clear and sudden command: Now!
“Now is when you are ready. Now, you know all about it. Oh, the blessing that for once one is able to do it then and there, that now is really now.”
The Context: In this quote, Agatha is talking about when she wrote Absent in the Spring, a book published under her pseudonym, Mary Westmacott. She refers to it as the book that satisfied her the most, saying she had always wanted to write it and that it had been clear in her mind—all except the background, which came to her later, after finishing Death Comes as the End.
As sometimes happens when a book has been growing inside a person, when it was finally ready, Agatha wrote it quickly—in three days, actually. She even called in sick to her job at the hospital so she could finish it. (Relatable, am I right?) She wrote until it was finished, and then collapsed and slept for an entire day. Then she woke up and ate a huge meal. (Again, so relatable to any writer!)
Why I Chose It: I think it’s incredibly revealing to learn about the book an author considered the most satisfying to write. And I know exactly the sensation she’s referring to in this quote. Like most writers, I hold a lot of ideas in my mind. Some are ready to be explored, while others need time to simmer. And so I’ll let an idea sit and develop until one day, it’s ready. It practically bursts out of me, the setting clear, the characters fully formed, the concept holding the whole idea together. It’s utterly intoxicating. Releasing a new book from inside myself is the most satisfying feeling I know, and Agatha captures that feeling so accurately here.